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E.g., writing that you're new in town prompts a variety of questions, such as "Where did you move from?

" In contrast, writing "I love sitting by a fireplace, talking about everything and nothing," prompts no responses.

At first this feels like going to the Humane Society to pick out a puppy... E.g., one young woman described herself as "honest, intelligent, with a heart of gold." Her rap sheet says that she's serving 25 years for homicide.

Now condense your responses into two or three sentences. Then run it through a grammar checker (in Microsoft Word, the grammar checker is under "Tools").

Now look in your Yellow Pages under "Editorial Services." Pay a professional editor to edit your personal ad.

Music: The Damned, Killing Joke, Bach organ fugues.

This will date me, but I remember when alternative newspapers didn't have decency standards.

Imagine that an individual approaches you at a party. E.g., one of my ads said that I lived in a million-dollar home.

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